Dougy Mak’s Blog

Only when you are able let go, will you have room to bloom.  Whether it is letting go of a teddy bear given to you by your childhood friend, or whether it is letting go of someone you love… It hurts, and no one likes to let go of these things, but sometimes you just need to. It hurts, but it is for the best.

Letting go does not necessarily mean you are giving up, it does not necessarily mean you do not have the will to continue, it does not necessarily mean these things at all…

it means…
Letting go means you are strong. It shows that you are in control of yourself. You will not let anyone else or anything else control you. It means that you can live fine without this something/someone.

The truth is…
Sometimes not giving up means you are just a fool. It’s harder to let go than to continue holding on to something/someone or chasing something/someone that was not meant for you to begin with. However, if it was meant to be yours than it/she/he will cross your path again in the future. Understanding this, that does not mean you should be waiting for or looking forward to the day when it/he/she will cross your path again… that would just mean you have not let go or moved on yet.

Before letting go, you have to be able to identify a few things…
You may not be in denial, but the question is are you sure?
You may find yourself constantly trying to justify yourself.
You may find yourself rejecting advice from friends because you feel that the advice given has not weighed in all the variables; therefore, the advice given is biased and invalid.

Well… how can you determine if the advice given is okay to accept? Are they given by a stranger? Or are they given by close friends who have never lied… close friends who have never steered you wrong…  or close friends who have always been there for you? Friends have no reason to lie. It’s up to you to decide on who to trust.

When you have figured out who’s your ally, when you have figured out what you must do, when you have figured out that this is not going to work, when you have figured out that you need to let go and move on, and when you are able to accept the advice that you thought was wrong or even put some serious thought into that advice… then…

then…
this means…
This means you have grown.

Someone who is able to accept criticism and not let it get to them, and someone who is able to clear their biased mind and just think about it… This is what defines one who is strong and open minded.

When your realize…
that you are in denial and…
that you are just holding on to something when you know of the truth…
then you will need to find the courage to become…
Someone is able to let go. Someone who can move on. Someone who is strong…

To be patient is to “bear provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Being patient may lead to it’s rewards, but the hard part to getting those rewards is maintaining your patience. You have to constantly keep your mind straight; You have to constantly remember the big picture in your mind and not get sidetracked by the little details. There will be times when you cannot maintain your patience, and there will be times when you just want to explode all your thoughts out… and it’s okay to… There will, also, be times when you realize that you lost yourself through this whole process, but remind yourself of why are you here? why are you doing this? what was the big picture? what was your original goal? Think about these questions, and it will help you get back on track.

It’s hard to be patient. There are honestly many mental obstacles to go through while being patient. Sometimes, you will even find yourself doing stupid things because of your emotions- emotions get the best of you. It is really easy for one to fall into this emotional state, so you need to be able to identify it and put on the right mindset and then continue on with what you were doing…

When it feels like all hope is lost, be patient, you will find it.
When it feels like you cannot handle it anymore, be patient, you will find a way.
When it feels like there’s no one else right for you, be patient, you will find that person.
When it feels like you cannot live without him/her, be patient, you will find out that you are better off without him/her.
When it feels like there is no one else that can understand you the same way, be patient, there is.
When it feels like there is no chance, be patient, it will come.
When it feels like there is nothing left for you, be patient, you will find something.
When it feels like your heart is broken, be patient, it will heal.

When it feels like…
be patient…
and wait, just wait…
everything will be fine…

Sharing a Special Something… It is a specific day, time, or moment that you had shared with a friend/family member/lover that you enjoyed so deeply that it had engraved a mark in your life.

It could be a time when you two had a picnic in the park with the nice summer breeze blowing through your hair while your bodies soak up the summer sun, or it could be a time when you two had laid down under the stars on a sandy beach during a warm spring night… It can be anything. It is a time when all of your worries, troubles, and life’s hastles just disappeared.

It is a time when you feel like there is no one else around, except for the two of you, as if you were in another world. It is a time when the only thing you two can hear is the soothing sounds of the relaxed environment and each others’ voices. It is a time when the two of you grow more intimate. It is a time when the only thing you two are thinking about is how great that moment is. It is a time when you two enjoy the beautiful moment. It is the most wonderful thing that two people can experience together.

For the fortunate, you should think about how lucky you are to have experienced a moment like this and to have someone to share it with. Think about how many people would wish to be in your place. Appreciate it, appreciate it, appreciate it… because I am sure your friend/family member/lover does. Think about how hard it is to produce this exciting, beautiful, refreshing, tranquil, and exhilarating moment. It is not easy and it is does not come often! Do not take it for granted, appreciate it.

For those who have yet to experience it, when you do, make sure you remember it! Because I know the other person, that you would share with, will. It is one of the greatest feeling that one can experience, so remember it and enjoy it.

An argument is a conflict of values, ideas, or whatever; It is an essential element for any relationship, especially a relationship with your lover.  It is a common belief that arguments are stupid, useless, waste of time, nonsense, or whatever. It is also common for people to think an argument consists of yelling, possibly beating, frustration, anger, and all these negative feelings. There are such arguments which reflects how stubborn people could be when it resorts to that level due to both parties refuses to give in. There are such arguments, and it shows how stubborn people can be when it results to those things because both parties refuses to give in. But, it is not about giving in and “winning” the argument or being right. It is about having both sides explain their points and then trying to understand each other. Both parties need to participate and meet each other halfway in order for good things to happen. “It takes two to tango..” So… the truth is, they create a healthier relationship. Not only do they help you feel better by releasing what’s bottled up inside, but they help two people understand each other. By understanding each other better, it helps two people grow closer and become more intimate. So the next time… are you ready? Let your partner say what they have to say; Pay full attention to just listen before your turn and then share your feelings and thoughts; And the two of you will become closer.

There’s a time when you need to let go. There’s a time when you need to move on. There’s a time for everything in life. The question here is, when is it the right time? There is no right answer, but here is my answer: The right time is when you are tired of… When you are so tired of getting angry, or tired of crying, or tired of disappointment, or tired of having to be someone else, or tired of not being realized, or tired of not being appreciated, or tired of the stress, or tired of being hurt, or tired of someone always causing you pain- tired of anything. This is usually a sign for you that you need to move on. The next question would be, how can I move on? I do not think anyone can give you this answer, but I do think listening to people will lead you to your answer. Realize this, time will not wait for you nor anyone else. When you finally get back on your feet, you will be behind everyone else. If you would like to be next to everyone else, you would have to start running. I am sure after going through this once, most will learn to suck it up next time and just continue moving forward. Whether or not you are/were prepared for it, the time is/was right and it happens/happened for a reason. Don’t dwell on it too much, try to learn from it and get back up and move forward again.

Being blind is when you are unable to see. Unable to see what is in front of you, or unable to see what is truely happening. What blinds people from such things? Of the many, love is one of them. Love is such a strong emotion, and it plays such a huge role in everyone’s life. When one is deeply in love, it is easy for them to fall into a dark well, where they cannot see what is truely going on. When one is in that dark well, it’s easy to be manipulated without oneself knowing.

When you’re in a well, it’s no surprise that you want to get out. You will take any help offered in order to get out of that well. Similar to Love, when you’re in love, your only goal is to have your partner love you back. Many people fall into this trap: because you want them to love you back, you would want to be the person that they want you to be and you would do whatever it takes to be that person. You want to be their dream partner, so in order to obtain that goal, you do whatever your partner asks of you. In other words, you are being manipulated. It is very common for this to happen, because you are so caught up with being the person of his/her dreams, you do not realize how you are being manipulated, because the only thing you want is his/her love; You are blinded by your want of his/her love, and you do not realize what is logically going on.

For the people who has been through that situation, you should know the pain that lies ahead in this situation. For the people who are currently going through, one day you will realize how unhappy you are because you are so busy trying to be the partner of his/her dreams and that you do not have time to be yourself. For this reason, you should be nothing else, but yourself.

There are literally billions of people on this planet, and each and every person on this planet is unique. There are no two persons on this planet who are the same, even twins have their differences. Some people are more compatible with some, while they may not be compatible with others. It’s kind of like ketchup, ketchup is good with some food, like eggs, while it is NOT good with other foods, like pancakes (yuck). While there may be friction between two people, there is always a way to work things out. Either one of persons can almost completely accommodate the other, or they both meet each other halfway. Basically, both parties need to participate in order to reach a conclusion; Both parties will have to accommodate each other in order for it to work. If you think about it, everyone in this world accommodates each other. Think about the people around you, even your friends accommodate you. Even if it’s as simple as allowing you to have shotgun, it is still accommodating.  But, there are situations where it will not work out between two persons at all. For example, if one were to be completely close minded and not understand the other’s situation, then it would not work out. They may say they understand, but there is a difference between saying it and actually understanding it. So what is there to learn after reading all this? Accommodating people requires you to open your heart to accept the person, not only your mind. Only when you are able to open your heart will you be able to understand each other. That’s my wisdom for how two different people can work things out.